Thursday, September 12, 2013

The voices in my head

We hear voices all the time. Voices from our family and friends. Voices from the media. Voices from figures of authority--church, government, school, etc. But then there are the voices in our heads. These are the voices telling us that we are worthless. That we are terrible Christians. That our lives will be merely a wearisome slog.

Artist: Donna Mulholland
These are the voices in my head. "You're ugly. You're a bad physicist. You need to work harder at being a better person. Your future looks bleak, but that's what you deserve anyway." These are the voices that subtly (and sometimes less subtly) influence how I live and act. These are the voices which have enslaved me.

Where are the other voices? Why is grace's voice so quiet in the milieu of other voices? Why doesn't she speak louder? Why can't I hear the ones saying, "The King is enthralled by your beauty. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I have given you gifts and a place in my body--the church. I have started a good work in you and will carry it to completion. You deserve death, but I have given you life and life abundantly. I have plans for you--plans to prosper you and give you a hope and a future." Why is it so hard to hear this message among all the others?

As I listened to these strident voices of failure and bitterness, I found that I was dying. I did not believe in my worth and I could not look my God in the eye. I hung my head and cowered in the corner of His temple. I told Him that He had created filth. I hid behind the bushes and told Him that I could not come out for I was naked.

I want to slough off these voices. I want to silence them. I want to listen to the quiet voice telling me that He died to save me. I want to listen to the voice that tells me I am free. I want to listen to the voice that tells me I have purpose. As someone who is part of my story, help me. Please help amplify the quiet voice of love. Help me hear the strains of grace through the cacophony of critical voices.

I have listened to this sermon from Galatians 5:1,13 several times and each time I am struck by how I have fallen back into slavery, listening to the voices that would keep me in bondage. I don't want this. It is for freedom that Christ set me free!

Pastor Chuck McCullough, White Rock Baptist Church, Oct 2012

1 comment:

  1. About half a year late, but here is my thought. You are a beautiful person whose beauty only grows as one comes to know you better. While we all fall short of the grace of god, your example has been an inspiration to me in my own good work which I continue to hope God will see to completion. I am thankful for your presence in my life, near or far.