Monday, February 4, 2013

Worms for Dinner



My first bump into failure (that hasn’t been successfully erased from my memory yet) was in 11th grade. The most earth-shattering thing happened to me: I got back a test with a grade less than 50%. I distinctly remember my teacher cautiously coming up to me and handing me the test and all the while telling me, “Katrina, this is ok. Physics is hard.” I don't remember what else he told me; I was busy keeping the water works at bay. I had failed. I had failed my parents, my teacher, myself, and God. The world was going to end. I might as well dig a hole and disappear.
 
At this point, worms for dinner sounded like my just desserts. I did recover from this melodrama. I know you were worried. But I've been learning something. No matter how many times I fail, God won't fail. His plan's gonna succeed and you know what His plan is? To prosper you. His plan gives you a hope and a future.


Do you remember Isaac? The kid who was almost sacrificed by his daddy. Well, he grows up and when he gets close to dying, he asks his oldest son to get some meat for a yummy stew before he blesses him. Well, his youngest son, aptly named deceiver, tricks his blind daddy into giving him the blessing instead. When Isaac discovers he's been tricked, he's distraught (at least I think that's what "trembling violently" means). He's just blessed the wrong kid! And instead of giving his oldest son the rich blessing he deserves, he tells this son that he's going to live by the sword and serve his brother. To Isaac and to anyone looking at this situation, it looks like a big mess.

But it gets better! Hundreds of years later, Isaac is commended for his faith in blessing Jacob and Esau as regards their future. That messy little situation was actually evidence of faith? How?! Could it be that because Isaac did not revoke his blessing to deceiver-son that Isaac was actually displaying a faith that God could deal with this failure on his part to bless the "right kid?"

You know what that means? Your failures are not failures of God's plan. His plan doesn't fail. If I fail in this physics venture I am currently undertaking (which always seems like a very near possibility!), it won't be a failure of God's plan. It's that plan in action! And my role is to dust myself off, accept His love (no worm-eating!), and look to see which direction the plan is heading now.

I have to be very honest with you though. I don't do this well. I still have my 11th grade propensity to burst into tears, feel like a failure, and wallow in it. I still moan about my lack of perfection, my inability to be the perfect Christian, and how I'm failing God. I throw very good pity parties. I'd invite you since misery loves company, but you might accidentally cheer me up and I don't deserve that. Isn't that ridiculous? Well, it looks ridiculous from the outside, but it almost feels like what a good Christian should do! If I'm a good Christian, I will be racked by grief at my sinful state and I will feel guilty for my faithlessness. What lies! No more worms for dinner. Let us feast on the Bread of Life.







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